No, I'm not having another. Not yet.
But Laila is convinced that her Baby Sister is sleeping inside my tummy. She pats my midsection sometimes or massages it, waiting for her Baby Sister to wake up and come out. One time Baby Cat refused my embraces, warning that the Baby could get crushed.
I don't know where she gets these ideas.
We sometimes talk lengthily about Gestating Laila, how I felt her scratch me from the inside, how she kicks me, how she sometimes stretches her body like sh wanted to get out. She says that's what Baby Sister is probably thinking also.
Laila is full of innocence. She doesn't realize life could get complicated with another Little Person in the house. Her enthusiasm over a sibling and my uncertainties over having another makes me feel small.
It's not that I don't want another. I'm just worried if we can afford another. I'm worried of screwing his or her life because I wasn't a good enough parent.
I already feel I'm failing Laila because I go off to the office every morning and do not return till night. She's been recently insisting on staying home with me instead of going to school. I'm now convinced I'm a bad parent because I don't spend enough time with her.
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