Moving Up

Laila had her Moving Up Day in school last Friday.

Teacher Kerin gave her the Giraffe Award for being the biggest bloomer, she says, in the Sparrows Class. Teacher Kerin says Laila, being among the youngest in class, had been the smallest and most shy when school started. Laila couldn't talk very well at the time and she cried for a good two months before settling in.

Now, Teacher Kerin says, Laila is the tallest among the girls (She's always assigned a spot at the back during performances). And Teacher Kerin says Laila wouldn't stop talking. I'm so glad we enrolled her in a progressive school. Otherwise, Laila's fondness for talking (during class) would probably be seen as a negative trait. Teacher Kerin looked so amused telling me how my little chatterbox would tell stories non-stop during their short walk from the playground to the classroom that I'm convinced she's as amused as I am about this.

Teacher Kerin says that Laila loves imitating her as well. Teacher Kerin would tell the class, 'pack away your toys' and Laila would also face the class and tell them to pack away! And Laila loves role-playing games. Teacher Kerin says Laila loves to pretend being a carpenter, banging away in their toy workbench for long lengths of time.

And Laila loves to sing and dance and watch herself in the mirror while performing. She would break away from formation and stand in front of the mirror and continue singing and dancing there. She also loves making faces.

I can't describe how glad I am that other people actually appreciate Laila's traits the way I do.

After the ceremony, Daddy Alvin and I showed Laila our surprise--a kiddie pool that we set up at the back of the house. She went nuts over it; she insisted to get on even if we were just beginning to fill it up with water.

Other kids from the building--Ate Paula, Daphne and Bridgette--joined and they had an impromtu pool party. The Ates brought the girls lunch and I provided a snack of cookies and chocholate milk. Not healthy, I know, but it's a hit with the kids.

By the time they finished, Laila was beat. She kicked and screamed all the way to the bathroom for a shower, but fell right asleep when her head hit the pillow. I can imagine the other girls were the same, except for the kicking and screaming part.

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I want to remember Laila's Moving Up Day exactly how it was.

She had on her pink dress with sateen frills, her lavander princess shoes and white lacy socks with small flowers for accent. She was in pigtails that she ripped off several times before we even left the house; but in the end she left it alone.

We were so sure that the ceremony would start late like they always do that by the time we got to school, Teacher Kerin was already playing a video she made of the Sparrows on a white screen. She promised to give parents a copy.

And since we got there late, Laila hadn't gotten the time to get used to all the Mommies and Daddies and Ates present and she refused to let go of me. She even dragged me to the toddler-sized chairs reserved for the Sparrows in front. So there I sat beside Laila in the front row, crouched on the floor so I wouldn't block the view of her classmates.

Laila was also hesitant to dance with the class but she found nothing objectionable to dancing for Daddy, who she dragged to the makeshift stage with her. Instead of facing the audience, Laila paired off with Daddy. Well, if she doesn't like dancing for the crowd at so short notice...

There was a small reception for the parents and the 'graduates'. We were assigned to bring the marshmallows and the Jelly Ace (well, the jellies were my idea) and the kids loved it. Other parents brought barbeque, muffins, french fries, cookies and juice.

The reception was a good idea since it gave the kids time to say goodbye to their classmates. They will, after all, not be seeing each for the duration of summer. And, in Laila's case, I think we're moving her to another school so I want her to say goodbye and thanks to the people who was part of the second year of her life.

I especially wanted her to spend a little time with Mauro, who's sort of been her bestfriend last year. Mauro was the first classmate who she told me about. Mauro was the only classmate she ever bit. They always sat beside each other. And, a night, when I ask Laila what she did in school, she'd always say she played with Mau-Mau. Mauro is one sweet boy.

And I thanked Teacher Kerin for being such a good influence on Laila. Teacher Kerin taught Laila a lot of what my tweedlebug knows, her colors, her shapes, numbers and alphabet. I don't think I'd have the presence of mind to teach Laila all those and that's why I'm very proud of myself for sending her to preschool at 23 months.

School made her a confident and sociable toddler who loves the idea of school. She's even been asking about The New School.

So this is how a proud parent is.

Anxiety Attacks

Did I say Laila was doing well with The New Ate? I think I spoke too soon.

She and Ate Daylene get along well, don't get me wrong. I've just been noticing that she's become more cranky lately. Laila easily gets irritated with Ate's presence, making a slashing motion with her arm to keep Ate away from her. She sometimes refuses to be cleaned or changed by Ate.

And this morning, when I took her to preschool, Laila refused to let me leave. She cried and vomitted and refused to let go. The only thing that saved my work clothes from getting smeared with vomit was Quick Mom Reflexes developed over several outfits ruined by vomit.

Teacher Kerin, heaven bless her, recognized the symptoms of an anxiety attack. She says Laila was exactly the same way when her previous caregiver, Ate Mari, had to leave after Christmas break. It took Laila two weeks to get used to Ate Dayene--who's already been with us two years as a maid--taking care of her instead. And now Ate Dayene's also left and she has to get used to The New Ate again.

I think it will take longer for Laila to get used to Ate Daylene. She's been with us for just a week, after all. It's good that classes are over and Laila wouldn't have to attend preschool. She can learn to trust Ate Daylene in the safety and familiarity of our little apartment and without the added pressure of getting dropped off at school.

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Speaking of getting used to people, I'm so glad that Laila recognizes her Lolo and Lola now. The two oldies are staying with us for a few days while they get checked up by the doctor. They're not too comfortable staying at the house so entertainment from Laila would help make their stay more enjoyable.

I was afraid that Laila would ignore them the way she does while we're in Batangas. She would look at them briefly, but she generally refuses to have anything to do with them. She even refuses to make mano. I've been wanting to show the oldies everything she's learned in school--the songs, the dances, her counting--but she refuses to perform for them.

Now, apparently, there's no need for prodding. My sister tells me that Mom was telling her about what a chatterbox my princess had been all day. This morning, while she watched her morning cartoons, Laila was dancing to whatever tune was on TV. She was dancing in front of the oldies! Hooray!

Mom says, and this isn't the first time, that Laila is so unlike me and so much like my sister. Well, no complaints there. As long as she's content and happy, I'm good with that.

The New Ate

Our new Yaya, or Ate as we prefer the help to be called, reported for work yesterday. The other Ate--20-year old Dayene--is going home to Ili-Ilo to start her own family and will be leaving this Saturday. That gives Laila three days to get used to the new Ate--Daylene.

They seem to be hitting off well. I left work early yesterday and was there when the new Ate arrived. Laila eyed her warrily at first, but started engaging Ate Daylene soon afterwards. I think it helped that I was there to introduce them. I guess Laila thinks that if Ate Daylene has my recommendation then the girl can be trusted.

And, having gone to preschool, I think Laila has gotten used to seeing strangers from time to time, what with some Mommies and Daddies popping in for a look-see what their kids are busy with. Maybe Laila is also in that stage where she doesn't eye strangers with as much suspicion as she did before.

As I've said in an earlier post, that worries me a little. She seems to be a little too friendly. While I want her to grow up confident, unafraid of people and with a healthy interest in other human beings, I want her to learn that she can't always trust strangers. That's a key to surviving urban life. I might sound like I'm teaching her not to trust people here. But I only want her to have a healthy fear, or at least warriness, of people she doesn't know. The crimes we hear about everyday and suffer from time to time should be enough justification for my concerns.

But going back to the new Ate, she and Laila only have three days (and counting!) to get used to each other. Laila's a little playful. The new Ate said she's taken cared of other kids, both younger and older, and she doesn't think it'll be too hard taking care of my little bundle of unstoppable energy. They seem to be hitting off well. She and Laila were already playing together last night and Laila was sitting close to Ate Daylene while I prepared for work this morning.

I hope Ate Daylene stays longer though. We've already had at least five Ates babysitting Laila since she was born. Aside from two--we terminated one because she's takes extended weekends off while another went on an unannounced three-day holiday with her girlfirend--we had good relationships with the Ates.

Laila is particularly fond of Ate Mari, who had gone home to Samar to take care of her own 3 young daughters. Laila still remembers that Ate Mari kissed her in the underarm--something I do everyday as part of my going to the office ritual--before boarding the taxi that will take her to the bus station.

I am terribly indebted to the Ates. Without them, I wouldn't be able to continue working the way I do. And without work, Laila and I wouldn't enjoy the same lifestyle we do. Let's face it. In the Philippines, a one-income household is good only for subsidizing the basics. If I don't work, we wouldn't have extra spending money for the so-called 'luxuries' like Laila's new doll or books or art and crafts materials. Really, those are the only real luxuries Daddy Alvin and I are keenly interested in these days.

But what I don't like about having an Ate is that Laila has gotten used to having things done for her. Cousin Claire wrote about teaching her two-year old Marcus to help with the chores by letting him pick up his toys. Laila sometimes helps pack away her toys when I tell her. But most of the time she acts as if she doesn't even hear me. She has this 'Huh? Who? Me?' look when I tell her to pack away her stuff.

I don't want Laila to grow up not knowing or, worse, not wanting to do things for herself. I don't like house chores either. But, outside the house, I am quite adept at surviving and thriving. Laila might not enjoy working inside the house either when she grows up, but as long as she's not a bum and is spending her time productively elsewhere, then I wouldn't have any objections.

Empathy

I've been worried that, being an only child (so far) Laila would grow up self-centered, selfish, spoiled and uncaring. After all, that's the image of an 'only' most of us know.

Parents of other onlies would certainly disagree with the generalization since many onlies have become or already are responsible and caring individuals even as children. And, after last night, I am convinced that Laila would be one too. She already is, in a way.

You see, I've been fretting over a possible ailment that I have. I say possible because my OB still has to do some tests to confirm if I have something to worry about or not. I was obviously distressed last night and was not as playful. I felt I had to explain to her why we couldn't play as much as we usually do before bedtime. I told her we should go to bed early, adding that 'Mommy is sad because Mommy has to go to the doctor and get an injection.'

She cannot comprehend 'worried' but understands the concept of 'sad' and 'injection' so I know she would get the idea why Mommy is sad. And she did! In a voice that sounded like she was pleading, Laila said: 'No Mommy. Wag tusok tusok, find Nemo lang. It's OK Mommy.' After that she wrapped her arms around my neck and cuddled so close I wondered if she could still breathe.

That blew me away! 'Tusok tusok' is her word for injection, which she periodically undergoes during visits to the pedia. And 'find Nemo' is her term for a regular pedia visit where she doesn't have to get a vaccine shot. She was trying to pacify me!


Hala! My daughter, my tiny, precious, little baby knows empathy! I'm soooo proud!

I've been reading up on onlies but I can't seem to remember much. One article about teaching empathy to your child struck me though. I wanted her to grow up being a responsible, nationalistic Filipino and I wanted her to truly care for other beings. Last night I became confident that she would.

Another thing I remember is that the experts are advising parents of onlies to expose their child to other people and children as much as possible. This is to introduce the idea that there is a world outside the parents and the home. And being exposed to other people lets them started in understanding the concept of getting along with others.

We live in a close commnity but the kids--mostly onlies like Laila--don't usually spend a lot of time playing outside their own homes. But I believe even the short episodes of interaction with them and the other yayas have been beneficial to Laila. She calls them all 'Ate'. We trained Laila to call her Yaya Ate instead, our way of teaching her that even househelpers are part of the family.

Now, my next concern is teaching her the concept of strangers. It's something to be friendly with people, but I want her to learn to be cautiious of strangers. She easily gets comfortable with certain people and I want to make sure she doesn't get comfortable with the wrong ones.

I've introduced the concept of the 'bad lady' and 'kidnapper' to her, thanks to the Cruella de Ville and her two henchmen in 101 Dalmatians. The next months will be reiforcing and refining those ideas.

Hello Hello

Hello. Is anyone there? I would suppose not. Or at least not yet. This is very new after all.

Let me start by describing what this space is about. It's about sharing a wonderful life with my sparkly little Laila. You guessed correct. I am a first-time mom to two-and-a-half year old Laila. She might not always be sunshine, but she certainly brightens up my day--or what remains of it after a full day of office work--even when she is acting every bit of the preschooler she is.

Why do I need to post my thoughts about Laila and my life with her in the first place?

It's natural for parents to be proud of their kids. And I am very proud of Laila for everything that's she's learned these past months in preschool and at home. Every little thing like learning how to skip or blow bubbles or jump sideways or walk backwards. She also knows her numbers and ABCs and colors. Who knew that being able to distinguish a circle from a square would be so much fun! It's incredibly new and exciting for me as it is for her. And I need to write it down. I'm afaid I'd forget if I don't.

And I also want to talk about what a wonderkid Laila is. All parents think their baby is a wonderkid and I'm proud to say I'm no exception. The catch here is that there are very few people you can truly share your thoughts about parenthood with. You discuss parenting too intensely and some people would think you're weird. Others would have very strong opinions on parenting styles that might clash with your own. And still there are others who are simply not interested in constantly hearing about your kid.

Hence, this spot.

Here, I can talk about Laila endlessly; like how she likes to dance to Boom Tarat Tarat even if I outwardly don't approve of it. But here's a secret: I am so proud of her everytime she sashays to the beat of that goddam song. She's like a small version of the marshmallow man that the Ghostbusters fought in the original movie. Very plump and juicy. I want to eat her up as every bit of her jiggles to the tune of Boom 'Tawat Tawat'...

And here, I can preserve my thoughts so she can, in the future, read my posts and know how much she means to me. Laila has become my life. I'm obssessed with her. I didn't think I could love anyone this much until she came. And I want her to know it.

As she gets older, I'm sure we'd be having our differences. We already do. In fact, we just had a spat the other night when she demanded another Jelly Ace before bedtime when I already said she couldn't have any more. As the years go by, I'm sure those spats would become more frequent and more intense. And I'm afraid I'd get swallowed by the moment and forget to let her know how much I love her.

I hope this spot would tell her for me in case I forget or am unable to tell her personally.