I've been worried that, being an only child (so far) Laila would grow up self-centered, selfish, spoiled and uncaring. After all, that's the image of an 'only' most of us know.
Parents of other onlies would certainly disagree with the generalization since many onlies have become or already are responsible and caring individuals even as children. And, after last night, I am convinced that Laila would be one too. She already is, in a way.
You see, I've been fretting over a possible ailment that I have. I say possible because my OB still has to do some tests to confirm if I have something to worry about or not. I was obviously distressed last night and was not as playful. I felt I had to explain to her why we couldn't play as much as we usually do before bedtime. I told her we should go to bed early, adding that 'Mommy is sad because Mommy has to go to the doctor and get an injection.'
She cannot comprehend 'worried' but understands the concept of 'sad' and 'injection' so I know she would get the idea why Mommy is sad. And she did! In a voice that sounded like she was pleading, Laila said: 'No Mommy. Wag tusok tusok, find Nemo lang. It's OK Mommy.' After that she wrapped her arms around my neck and cuddled so close I wondered if she could still breathe.
That blew me away! 'Tusok tusok' is her word for injection, which she periodically undergoes during visits to the pedia. And 'find Nemo' is her term for a regular pedia visit where she doesn't have to get a vaccine shot. She was trying to pacify me!
Hala! My daughter, my tiny, precious, little baby knows empathy! I'm soooo proud!
I've been reading up on onlies but I can't seem to remember much. One article about teaching empathy to your child struck me though. I wanted her to grow up being a responsible, nationalistic Filipino and I wanted her to truly care for other beings. Last night I became confident that she would.
Another thing I remember is that the experts are advising parents of onlies to expose their child to other people and children as much as possible. This is to introduce the idea that there is a world outside the parents and the home. And being exposed to other people lets them started in understanding the concept of getting along with others.
We live in a close commnity but the kids--mostly onlies like Laila--don't usually spend a lot of time playing outside their own homes. But I believe even the short episodes of interaction with them and the other yayas have been beneficial to Laila. She calls them all 'Ate'. We trained Laila to call her Yaya Ate instead, our way of teaching her that even househelpers are part of the family.
Now, my next concern is teaching her the concept of strangers. It's something to be friendly with people, but I want her to learn to be cautiious of strangers. She easily gets comfortable with certain people and I want to make sure she doesn't get comfortable with the wrong ones.
I've introduced the concept of the 'bad lady' and 'kidnapper' to her, thanks to the Cruella de Ville and her two henchmen in 101 Dalmatians. The next months will be reiforcing and refining those ideas.
Parents of other onlies would certainly disagree with the generalization since many onlies have become or already are responsible and caring individuals even as children. And, after last night, I am convinced that Laila would be one too. She already is, in a way.
You see, I've been fretting over a possible ailment that I have. I say possible because my OB still has to do some tests to confirm if I have something to worry about or not. I was obviously distressed last night and was not as playful. I felt I had to explain to her why we couldn't play as much as we usually do before bedtime. I told her we should go to bed early, adding that 'Mommy is sad because Mommy has to go to the doctor and get an injection.'
She cannot comprehend 'worried' but understands the concept of 'sad' and 'injection' so I know she would get the idea why Mommy is sad. And she did! In a voice that sounded like she was pleading, Laila said: 'No Mommy. Wag tusok tusok, find Nemo lang. It's OK Mommy.' After that she wrapped her arms around my neck and cuddled so close I wondered if she could still breathe.
That blew me away! 'Tusok tusok' is her word for injection, which she periodically undergoes during visits to the pedia. And 'find Nemo' is her term for a regular pedia visit where she doesn't have to get a vaccine shot. She was trying to pacify me!
Hala! My daughter, my tiny, precious, little baby knows empathy! I'm soooo proud!
I've been reading up on onlies but I can't seem to remember much. One article about teaching empathy to your child struck me though. I wanted her to grow up being a responsible, nationalistic Filipino and I wanted her to truly care for other beings. Last night I became confident that she would.
Another thing I remember is that the experts are advising parents of onlies to expose their child to other people and children as much as possible. This is to introduce the idea that there is a world outside the parents and the home. And being exposed to other people lets them started in understanding the concept of getting along with others.
We live in a close commnity but the kids--mostly onlies like Laila--don't usually spend a lot of time playing outside their own homes. But I believe even the short episodes of interaction with them and the other yayas have been beneficial to Laila. She calls them all 'Ate'. We trained Laila to call her Yaya Ate instead, our way of teaching her that even househelpers are part of the family.
Now, my next concern is teaching her the concept of strangers. It's something to be friendly with people, but I want her to learn to be cautiious of strangers. She easily gets comfortable with certain people and I want to make sure she doesn't get comfortable with the wrong ones.
I've introduced the concept of the 'bad lady' and 'kidnapper' to her, thanks to the Cruella de Ville and her two henchmen in 101 Dalmatians. The next months will be reiforcing and refining those ideas.
2 comments:
I know exactly how you feel!
Its funny because Marcus will be two next month and I am often concerned that he is an only child too.
When Marcus had first started daycare we had difficulties, for example, with sharing and we soon found out that out of the 8 children in his class, only one of them had a sibling! So that didn’t help much! Also, he was at the age where he realized he was independent from mom and dad and that we are not joined at the hip. So he cried everyday when we dropped him off at school, but once he realized we were coming back for him, he settled in.
I was apprehensive at first placing him in daycare, but now I feel like it is the best thing we have done. Marcus has significantly developed his social skills. Though I do notice when he is home although we play, do crafts, read etc I feel he is looking for a playmate since he has so many in school.
I know I am going off on a different tangent here as my main issue is the dilemma of having a second child. I would love more than anything to have another one right now, but unfortunately time and means do not permit it. I am hoping in a year a so this will not be the case. Would you like to have another child?
Back to the original topic of discussion...in terms of Marcus personality I would not say he is selfish, but is only now understanding what sharing is about. At home everything is his because there is no one to share it with! Empathy is certainly there. He has associated with crying or ‘ow’ as being upset or hurt and as clumsy as I am, if I get my hand jammed in a door or burn my hand on the stove he will look at my hand, point and say ‘ow’ and try to rub it. The first time he did it, I felt like you…my heart almost melted…because it reaffirmed to me that no matter what happens in this world you know that your child has the most sincere unconditional love for you. It is different from a spouse/family love. I wish I could elaborate, but I hope you catch my drift.
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The stereotypes are there and questions are there, but as parents we can only do our best like our parents did for us.
Everything I try to teach Marcus is the same lessons I learnt from my mom, dad and grandparents. Some ppl will go as far as defining it as exploitation, but unfortunately, we live in a society now where kids do not do anything for themselves. My husband's niece is that way. She is a very intelligent, college educated, bright 21 year old lady, but because her mom took such great care of her and did everything for her she is unable to be self sufficient.
I personally think you can be a good parent/role model without having to do every last thing for your child.
I am sure you are all thinking 'he is only 2'! But I just start will small 'chores' For example, I ensure he cleans up his own toys after he finishing playing or that he puts things in the trash when need be. We also make a point to have dinner together as a family.
It is my MISSION (lol ) to ensure that Marcus grows to be independent and secure strengthened by family and love.
With regards to the 'strangers’ issue, I often think about that too. Fortunately, Marcus is consciously wary of people he does not know, but I find that repetition is key to kids learning and remembering.
My sister laughs because I often do a 'roll call' with names and pictures of those on both sides of the family. I tell Marcus to always stay near one of us when we are out and not to say hi to ppl he doesn’t know. I know he is trying to understand what I say, but body language and facial expressions are very important. He will often look at me for my reaction or his dad’s reaction first before anything.
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We will spend our entire lives worrying about our kids and how they will be, but we can only do the best we can and guide them the best way we can and also too it is often said that kids who have a solid family foundation often are strong, selfless, independent stable people. Kids are the seed, we provide the land from which they will grow from…the more your nurture them the stronger they will grow..
Hi Claire.
I've been thinking about another baby as well. Although Alvin and I have generally agreed we'd put it off maybe until Laila's older, maybe in two or three years. And the truth is, I'm thinking of maybe just having Laila. She's too perfect for me already, and I'm afraid there wouldnt be enough of me should another baby come.
However, whenever I see the 7-month old baby boy upstairs, I can't feel but be envious. I want another small baby in the house. It doesn't help that Laila calls him her 'baby brother' and urges me to bring him home with us.
I'm conflicted over the possibility of another baby and having just Laila. It's nice that you and Mark have decided to have another eventually. It does kids a heap of good to have a sibling.
Cheers.
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